Mixed Feelings

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Your thoughts?

Blessed,

I just don't get it

While listening to a good friend talk about their life and adventures, this song came to mind:

If your partner is not someone you can see spending the rest of your life with, then let go and move on.  The only thing I see here is one huge mess in the making.  When your partner finds out (and things done in the dark ALWAYS come to light), there is going to be hell to pay. 


I'm beginning to feel like I'm amongst a very small number who believe that marriage = fidelity in both word and deed.


At the end of the day, is it really worth it?


Hoping your word is your bond,

When I think of successful marriages

My Grandparents come to mind.  I listen to the stories my Aunts and Mom tell about growing up, and the "issues" that occurred.  I know it wasn't perfect, but to be able to remain married for 63 years is truly a triumph.

I remember being in college and thinking even then, I want what Granma and Granpa have.    Perhaps that's why I never married?  I can honestly say that I never felt either of the two gentlemen who proposed marriage would be able to follow though on the promise of growing and building something that would span generations.

The first picture was taken at a birthday celebration for my Granpa.  We all gathered at City Island in the Bronx.  This was one of the many, many happy times that make up my past.

The second picture was taken at the 50th wedding anniversary celebration for my Grandparents.

Wishing for you the same happiness and commitment to each other that Catherine and Arnold had.



Be blessed,

From my past

Life

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many friends you have. Or how many people call you. Or how accepted or unaccepted you are. Not about if you have plans this weekend. Or if you're alone. It isn't about who you're dating, who you use to date, how many people you've dated, or if you've ever dated at all. It isn't about who you have kissed. It's not about sex. It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have. Or what kind of car you drive. Or where you're sent to school. It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It's not about the color of your hair. Or if your skin is too light or too dark. Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everyone else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. Or if this teacher likes you, or if this guy/girl likes you. Or what clubs you're in, or how good you are at your sport. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It's about keeping or betraying trust. It's about friendship, used as sanctity, or as a weapon. It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It's about what judgements you pass and why. And who your judgements are spread to. It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, pain, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it. But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could never have occurred alone. Only you choose the way these hearts are affected . . .and those choices are what life is all about.   -- Author Unknown

Be blessed

Mark 4:39 (ESV)

"And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."

I was talking with a young friend earlier today. I had spoken to her in the middle of last year, telling to stop handing things over to God and then taking them back. I admit that it's still something that I struggle with from time to time.

Today she turned my words back on me today with relish and glee. She said to me the following:

•  The relationship I keep saying I "should" want was being defined by forces outside myself. 
•  I was doing myself a disservice if I did not ignore those voices and instead listen to my inner voice.
• Until I did just that, I would not find "MY" mate, and pointed out (once again) her first husband was not her first love. 
• She's now married to her first love, and so very happily so. 
• It's time to let go of the  "should" and keep an open mind and accept what is. 
• I already met "MY" mate, but I'm blocking the blessing that is right in front of me. 

I'm not sure exactly how she figures/knows the last to be true, but since she had spoken words of wisdom moments earlier, I'm not discounting anything.

As I heard the voice of  another friend earlier this evening, I "felt" the words "Peace! Be Still!", and a feeling of calm enveloped me. Not sure exactly what's about to happen but I'm ready to be still, have an open mind and accept whatever blessing, in whatever form God has for me.

Be blessed,

Loving

I am blessed to be able to love unconditionally. It brings me much comfort and great joy to do so. I know the quality of my life has improved exponentially since opening myself up to this wonderful abundance of feeling.

The down side is when you love unconditionally, you hurt unconditionally for those who hurt. Today I find my GF and my brother KD heavy on my mind/heart.

My "little" sister AW, is in a lot of emotional pain right now. Not being able to bear some of it, hurts. I am sending you love, hugs, my shoulder and anything else you can think of that will get you through this difficult period. Put your faith in God, and lean on the support system He's given you.

To KD I say, I've loved you from day one. This is a difficult season for you. Yes it seems long dark and at times scary, but I promise you it gets better. God can do anything but fail. Despite all the turmoil you are experiencing, He's provided you with blessings. Your friends, our family, and yeah He's even plaguing you with me. I love you so much, and just when you think you know how deep it runs, it increases a million times. We cannot always carry the load by ourselves, and when you are ready to allow me to share it with you, I am here.

Blessed beyond measure,

Having it all?

Exactly what is this "all" we as women are supposed to have? Since January I've been attempting to work my full time job, run a business, look after my Mom (who has had some health challenges lately), pack up an apartment so I can move, and negotiate a relationship.

I'm sitting in the midst of what used to be an extremely habitable place. It's a wreck. The upstairs doesn't look much better. The regular job is perking along, and I'm managing to squeeze in a few hours for the new biz as well. My Mom is getting better, and my burgeoning relationship is going nowhere. It's ok, I think we're better off as friends as we're almost the exact opposite of each other, including our work schedules.

So for you women who "successfully" juggle all of these things, what's the secret? Maids and housekeepers? Personal Assistants? For those who have mates and children to add to the mix, is it the Prozac that keeps you going LOL?

So if you come visit me wear a hard hat and watch where you walk. Unfortunately, the one thing you won't be tripping over is "MY" man. No need to be sad, it is what it is.

Still so very, very blessed,

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God bless,

Family

This is the only picture of the 6 of us. My cousin Tony passed when he was 10. Since this was taken, we've lost Leslie.

I miss her lots, especially on days like today. The Black Cowboys were on the campus today, and Leslie loved history. To see and hear them talk would have made her week.

Hoping those whom you love, respect and admire are still with you.

Stay blessed,

So if I release it to the Universe does it mean I'm giving up?

As I'm sure you know, life can and is challenging. That's what makes it so wonderful. Of course not having anything else to compare it to makes me a bit biased.

Since the beginning of 2010, I've led an up and down existence. Like most have encountered a few financial challenges. Concern over my Mom's health and my own dental surgeries have kept me busy on the medical front. My job has changed so far for its all good, and my business is coming along. Professionally I guess you can say I'm doing ok. Super busy, but still ok. My family (one member in particular) has had the rug pulled out from under him, and I'll be honest, I'm a bit worried about that outcome.

My "love life"? What love life? Met someone in the latter part of last year, and we hit it off. While I really like him, the relationship is not the kind I can see sustaining either of us 6 months from now, much less 6 years from now.

So with all that's going on, I've decided to release everything to the Universe. Some folk call it giving it to God. As I do this, I was wondering if it meant I was giving up or procrastinating on making hard decisions in the instances that need them. I choose, as always to let the Higher Power guide me. For those who do not believe in something greater than themselves, do you see this as a cop out?

Just wondering. In the meanwhile, I am sending a prayer of many blessings your way.

Always blessed,

Eva, Clora and Catherine

or Sissy, Sweetie and Shug (my Granma)  They were a hoot when they got together.  I remember when they discovered Long Island Iced Tea at a family cook out.  It was hysterical!  One of them (I think it was Granma) thought her legs were broken when she tried to stand up after drinking them in the sun for hours.  

I miss seeing them interact.  We would feel sorry for Granpa (a man of few words) when The Sisters got together.  Not only did they talk enough for 100 people, it was loud enough to be heard down the street.  

Sending you all my love, you are each missed by me.

Hoping you are as blessed as I was

Facebook and my past

Wow is all I can say. I've been an avid facebook user for almost 18 months. I'm enjoying it. Meeting new people, connecting with old friends. Catching up with family has inspired me to research my genealogy.

I admit it, I farm and play mafia wars darn near daily. For me it's relaxing and frees the mind of all the clutter. Yeah mindless is just what I need at the end of one of my hectic days. Sometimes I visit to ease into a day.

Do you Facebook?

Sending blessings your way,