After losing my Aunt at the end of September '18, Mom passed Jan '19 Followed by my Uncle March '19 and yet another Uncle, December '19! Almost my entire childhood wiped out by death like it was taking revenge on me eating the last coconut macaroon. Needless to say, Cee ain't so level.
Financial hits in the form of property taxes, medical and funeral, car replacement, travel and tuition expenses were plentiful and one after the other, sometimes falling on top of each other to demand my attention. I left my home in March to attend my Uncle's funeral only to come back to 4 other people living here, my son left his wife and took the kids. Then later she moved in as their new house (they decided to reconcile), wouldn't be ready for 3-5 weeks. I am now working on a plan to find a nice retirement community with medical staffing because I cannot do that ever again. I came close to failing a class, but by the grace of God and $500 for tutoring (that had to be cadged from other places), I passed.
Taking this week off, no schoolwork, and on vacation from the job. Monday, I'll ease my way back into the mainstream by reviewing my coursework and setting up my assessment at the gym. I've decided I want to live, and that means taking back my body and my sanity. The "works" will have to share time with my self-care routine, or else I may not make it. By self-care I mean saying "no", going to bed at a decent hour at least 4 nights of 7, finding fruits/veggies that I like and easing away from chicken. This last brought to you by the FDA saying it's ok to ship raw chicken from the US to China and then back to the US. When one adds that to the number of fast-food chicken restaurants, one has to wonder where in da hell are all these chicken wings coming from? I've decided to try my hand at growing a few veggies and a lemon tree (I love lemons). We shall see how that works out. However each time I think about the chicken thing, I'm determined to be successful
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I took myself on a whirlwind tour of the medical profession (I am among the few that have insurance), I'm healthy (yet quite fluffy), and after paying for a consultation, found out I cannot afford to have cataract surgery, dental surgery and buy food/pay rent/have electricity or running water for the next 10 years.
The 2019 holiday season was not kind to me, and while I expected some hits, others seemed to have come out of left field, like watchin my Uncle take his last breat on his birthday and attending his funeral mere days before Christmas. Although upon reflection, I should not have been surprised. The signs were there for years, yet I chose to turn a blind eye, make excuses, or adjust my life to suit. Well, THAT ain't happening again. I forgot one of the most basic things in life that I share with others...the familial title one holds, DOES NOT pre-empt human nature. Out of the blue, my Grandma's saying of "not every shut eye is asleep" popped into my head. Not sure why, but it will come to me in a quiet moment.
My Mom has been gone for almost a year. I miss her daily and still cry often. I finally saw her tombstone a little over a week ago. I have to tell you, that "end date", hit me hard. I'm barely making it out of bed again, so I'm glad for this time off. It's amazing how life goes on w/o noticing your world. as you know it, has ended.
I am doing my damndest to look forward to 2020. I'm alive, I have people who love and look out and over me, I have a job, a roof over my head, and food. I have a job, medical insurance, a working vehicle, I'm working towards my doctorate, and I have crazy rescue dogs that drive me nuts, and most of all, I have the love and memories of my ancestors to help me put one foot in front of the other.
Now that I'm an orphan, a person I'll never be again is,
