The Midlife part is over....what remains is the crisis!

So I've done the fun stuff. Lots of it, and to be honest, I'm tired of having so much fun LOL. I'm at a crossroad, not so much a crisis. I've decided to finish my undergrad degree, that's the good part, the bad?? I'm sick to death of business administration. So where do I go from here? Still pondering this as I sit here this beautiful morning.

I've decided to just go with the flow. I'm throwing caution to the wind, and trying some of the things I only thought about in the past. I've started eating dessert first, ignoring my phone when I don't feel like talking, not returning messages that say "I know you're busy but I need you to call me concerning...." I'm too busy, doing whatever to be concerned about..."

I've even stopped watching television for weeks at a time. I TiVo the programs I'm interested in, and when bad weather hits, or I just don't feel like doing anything else, spend a day relaxing and watching sans the commercials. My addiction to HGTV, TMC, Law and Order (all of them), Criminal Minds and NCIS are satisfied until the next time.

I've picked up my crochet hook again, watching an idea I had take shape and become a reality is still amazing to me. Plus I enjoy the look on the faces of the people to whom I gift my craft work.

Bit by bit, I'm learning not to multitask, but to enjoy what I'm doing at the moment with all my senses.

Til next time,

Cee...Level

First song...

...I ever heard Fantasia sing had me up and dancing. Re-ran it on my TiVo so many times, my doglets hid the remote.

Sing it Fantasia!!!!

Get on the midlife crisis train

I'll be 46 next month! Wow! My mom's age. Where did the time go? As I sat up in bed one night, I decided that 2007 was the "Me" year. This decision gave me permission "to lose my damn mind", "selfishly put myself first", and of course "break ____'s (insert person of choice's) heart.

How did I manage to do all this? I'll tell ya. I threw away the 6 pairs of shiny slacks I had been wearing for 2 years. I went a little nutty then and discarded the blazers that were so old, they had permanent ring around the wherever you looked. The blouses, yep you got it! Trash bin heaven. I bought stylish, clothes that fit my smaller size and didn't require my monthly trip to the notions store for heavy duty safety pins to keep them up. Outlet malls and consignment shops put down the red carpet when they saw me coming.

The next station the "All About Me" train pulled into..."If I Can Get It Done Between 7am and 4pm" Here it is months later, and co-workers are still saying "I was looking for you around 7pm last night, did you leave early? Hah, not only am I leaving work on time, I'm taking full advantage of the flex time benefit. I even went so far as to learn two new phrases. "I'm going out for lunch" and "you'll have to do it yourself" Thank goodness we have a defibrillator in the building for the times I put them together.

Next I chugged into the "I'm getting my degree and the company is paying" depot with a quick stop into "I need time off for my volunteer work"

I admit to being stalled at the "You're 18 now, handle it yourself" sub station. Now it's far behind me.

While on this journey, I closed down the "sure pay me back when you can" bank, and instead opened the "these are the terms of payments to which you must agree" credit union. Needless to say, the new institution is a miserable failure. No one wants to borrow...must be the fact I now EXPECT to be repaid, and I have no problem going to the bank with you on payday. I decided to keep the train permanently at this station.

How am I cruising through life now? In my brand spanking new Infiniti G35 6MT sports coupe. I'm loving my midlife crisis. Should have had one in my 30's.

Be blessed,

Cee....level

Four items, 4 minutes right???? Wrong

I went to the supermarket on Friday to buy some laundry detergent, fabric softener sheets, Dawn dish soap, and Lysol cleaner. It's not often that I go in search of cleaning products, as I hate house cleaning with a strong passion, but that's for another day.

My goodness I was overwhelmed! Did I want Tide with bleach or the one for colors or just be for cold water? Should it have Downy or Febreze added, and that was after I decided whether to get it in liquid, powder or concentrated liquid. I pretty much ruled out the one for the high efficiency washers straight off the bat.

Then it was on to pick out the fabric softener sheets. I just wanted some plain original Bounce sheets. Luckily it only took me 6 minutes to locate it, because I was starting to feel inadequate.

Dawn would be easy....right....only if I knew if I wanted it with bleach alternatives, botanical, or if i wanted it to be ultra Dawn or Power Dissolver Dawn, Direct foam or with odor erasers. Ummm isn't that last one a given?

By this time I was so exhausted, that I went home. I'll tackle the Lysol cleaner next week.

for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf by Ntozake Shange

I had chance to see it in 1975. Each one of those women gave a powerful performance. Must have, because it's 30 years later, and I still feel the powerfulness the lady in green saying "Somebody done walked off with alla my stuff".

I was sitting here reading, writing and sipping tea, and my mind drifted to that sentence. It came out of no where, and surprised me as it came shouting into my mind

I guess if I had to write a sentence about blocks of life my life during the last year. The above one would sum it up.

Slowly, though I'm taking back my "stuff" and I'm letting the thief keep only what I don't want/need any more.

May....what a month!

This month has contained highs and lows, guess it's no different from any other month eh? I turned 45, sent 17 year old son off to his prom, celebrated Mother's Day, learned of the death of one of my younger brothers, watched with pride as my son graduated high school, and spent 2 days in the company of his father.

Turning 45, no different than any other day. Grocery shopped, house cleaned and cooked. The following week was prom, and the emotion of it took my breath away. As I watched my son and his date leave, I couldn't help but feel that she was stealing him away. Silly I know, but seeing him all dressed up, and escorting someone other than me to a big event was like a kick in the gut. I went upstairs and cried myself to sleep.

Mother's Day I learned that my brother Kenny died suddenly on Thursday. His mom called my mom. Not much detail was given as she was upset which is understandable. It took me well over a week to locate his phone number, but I think his mom may have returned to NY by then. I'm hoping she'll call his machine, get our messages and call us back.

Graduation was all that and then some. I saw my brother KD for the first time in almost 3 years, and the rest of the family arrived the following day. We had a wonderful reunion. JB's father and his family arrived, and all the anger and disappointment I felt just fizzled into nothinginess. I saw in his eyes, the realization that he had missed so much. I felt sorry for him, and yes, I did wish things had turned out different. There is nothing he can do which will enable him to live with the hugs, kisses, tears, joys, sorrow and frustration of raising his child. I wouldn't wish such a realization/regret on my worst enemy, which he is not. Unfortunately he can't say the same of himself.

Well it's back to work tomorrow, and to be honest, after 2 weeks of houseguests, I need the vacation.

Cee....Level

Another Wonderfully Wonderful Sunday

I'm always amazed at how God does what He does.

Yesterday morning I had the heater on in my car, and walked the girls in what I consider my "winter" jacket. In the afternoon, I had the a/c on, and last night, yep the heater again.

Today is just glorious! The sun is shining, it's 66 non-humid degrees, and I'm almost done packing and we don't move until Thursday. I'm sitting here enjoying my cup of tea, debating on whether or not to indulge in a second before waking the kidlet.

I'm also gong through the Crate and Barrel catalog. Just think, this time next month (God willing) I'll have my new bistro set, and will be writing from my 2nd floor balcony complete with plants, wind chimes and outdoor thermometer. Yes, an oasis right outside the living room.

Dinner tonight is steak, french fries (Kidlet is being drafted for peeling and cutting) and a huge salad consisting of 1/2 of the leftover veggies in the fridge. Very little cooking on my part. The steak is already marinating in the Catalina dressing with some spices and orange juice.

Even with all the "worries" I have, I am so blessed y'all, it never ceases to take my breath away.

Hoping you can say the same.

~~Cee~~
(yep gonna have that 2nd cup...just because I can)

Moving and other life changes

Moving is a hassle, but one that is necessary from time to time. I have almost finished packing and we don't leave until Thursday. I've purged, cleaned, and boxed up many things. My life pretty much.

I asked a question on a list I co-administer. "Since we have to work for a living, if you could change to the job of your dreams, what would it be? What is your reason for not doing it now....Money not withstanding"

So now I'm asking you.

Waiting to hear from you....

Cee...Level

It seems I have a problem

I was in a discussion with a good friend, and she told me I was too hard on people. Me? The pushover Queen of the Universe!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seems that I'm not of this world, because I believe people should keep their word. If you can't then I think notification that "stuff has happened" is in order.

When I first meet someone, I have no expectations of them, not that they speak, act, think, or treat me a certain way. It is by their representation of themselves that I begin to get a sense of their priorities, what makes them happy, and what makes 'em sad. Hence if you say and represent yourself to me as being trustworthy, a person of your word, etc., and you consistently are not, then we have no need of further interaction, be you man, woman, or undecided. I cannot abide people who shed their person's like snakes who shed skin.

Is that being too hard? Am I naive to believe that what I see is what I get?

~~Cee...Level~~

Without so much as a kiss..you've been screwed

Minimum payment on credit cards is being raised! It is raising from the existing 2% of the outstanding balance to 4%. For those of you who can handle it, wonderful, for those who can't you're further screwed. Now I know we all mean to pay off our credit cards, but face it, stuff happens. Well you better make doubly sure that stuff doesn't happen. The Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005, which became effective October 17, 2005, made it more difficult to erase debts by filing for bankruptcy. Coincidence that this happened prior to the doubling of minimum credit card balances? I think not

Complaints by banks and other financial services companies who believe that the banktuptcy laws have been abused by gamblers, compulsive shoppers, and others, have finally been heard

So before you take that plastic out for the holiday season, think about it, is free shipping and handling worth it in the long run?

Tivo and my holiday spirit

Yes, it's that time of the year. Life Time Television has a never ending line up of gooey holiday movies, and I've TiVoed them all! It has so put me in the Christmas spirit. Before those of you are part of this never ending mission to de-Christianize everything get started, I celebrate Christmas! I go and host Christmas parties, bake and eat Christmas pies and cookies, yada, yada. I don't Holiday anything!

OK back to how TiVo has revived my Christmas Spirit....NO COMMERCIALS!!!!!! I don't have to watch those inane Madison Avenue offerings where, not to spend to you're way past broke, is a crime across all religions. It's absolutely wonderful!!!! I get to watch the movie, cry at the end, and never see some scantily clad anorexic woman pushing the latest widget that costs the earth.

It's a wonderful Tivo life

Yeah I wish

Level:
Relative position or rank on a scale
A relative degree, as of achievement, intensity, or concentration
A natural or proper position, place, or stage

OK so those of you who know me personally, realize this ain't the case. However, I'm working on it.

Life in flux

My only child is a senior in high school @ the age of 16. As we performed the rituals associated with this, it dawned on me that my life is going to change drastically as well. Kidlet's attendance at an "away college" would mean, I'll be even less of a full time Mom, than I am now. What on earth am I going to do? It seems like just yesterday my Mom and I were doing this for me!! When did that adorable baby who called me "Mum-Mum" become old enough to go to college. Nothing like watching your child go from a sonogram picture to a person who drives off in your car, to realize just how fast time passes.

My Base

My religious beliefs, although different from many, are guideposts for my life. I love the Lord. He's moved/diminished the mountains in my path, and in spite of my misguided efforts , has brought me up the rough side of the remaining mountains renews and deepens that love daily.

My Girlfriends

Where would I be without them? I pray I never find out. They are many, they are spread out over the globe and encompass all walks of life. They are my sisters, and I love each of them for sharing the gift of their friendship with me.

Today
I'm sitting in the middle of the bed watching a week of Oprah (thank you TiVo), and trying not to tense up over going back to work after being off for an entire week. This is the first time I can recall in all my working career, taking a week off, and doing nothing or, only what I felt like doing. It was great, and aside from completing all my dental work in 2 weeks, is exactly what I'm going to do for at least a month, once I pick the winning lottery numbers. LOL