It's the pep talk I've been giving myself since early this morning. "The Gambler" said it so eloquently"
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away and know when to run"
Makes me think Kenny Rogers has the inside track on being able to throw in the towel.
Like most people I know, I do NOT like losing. It's not that I'm super competitive, I'm not at all. I just would rather win, or at the very least, have the game end in a draw. I especially despise losing when I've giving it my all, over and over again. When I've rationalized, marginalized and minimized my own feelings, to ensure I'm not stepping on yours, losing damn near infuriates me.
While I always strive to be a gracious loser, I am not a good loser. Yes, I can shake hands, pat backs, buy dinner/drinks and utter up a sincere "Way to Go!" with the best of them. Most times I mean it. You bested me; good for you! Heck I can even send up a heartfelt prayer that you continue to walk in God's blessings. However, when I'm alone, I let myself have it. I ruthlessly look for all the "signs" I missed, then berate myself for seeing only what I wanted to see. I know I'm not alone in this behavior. I do not derive any comfort from that knowledge. It takes me a long time to come to terms with my failure to, if not win, then tie.
Today, Saturday March 1, 2014. I'm gagging on losing. I started to say "losing big". Now I'm wondering...if the loss provides peace of mind, in the long run, is it really "losing big"? I don't know. I do know disappointment and anger are stuck in my throat, and I'm sitting in isolation working my way through the process.
Stick a fork in me, I'm done. I'm crying "Uncle", throwing in the towel, I give in/give up. You win, I lose. This fat lady has not only sung, she's left the stage, turned out the lights, locked the theatre door and has gone home.
Stay blessed,
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