I had been sick and unhappy for so long, and truly believed it would continue to be that way. Gave my life over to the Maker, and thought things would change instantly. Instead, it seemed to get worst, as I struggled to do the right thing. Realized that God was working on me, and eventually saw that the "right thing" didn't mean I needed to accept crap from folk who meant me no good. Made drastic changes in my life, divorced drunken, lying husband, moved houses and finally got that much needed (yet always put off) surgery.
I was praising God loudly in my sleep, that I woke myself up. Realized my physical ailments were gone. My heart, which had been hurting, no longer felt the pain or the anger. Instead, I woke up resolute, and have been slowly, yet confidently putting one foot in front of the other.
Over the past year, I've re-learned that how you think you're supposed to feel, can mess you up, when you don't feel that way. I'm loving myself more and once again am finding that "me space" in and outside of my own head. No longer trying to juggle other people's needs/wants and my own. If it's not going to put me in a drama free zone, then I don't go there.
My next journey is the physical rebuilding of me (again). Being unhappy for so long had me eating out more, just because I didn't want to come home to a man who drank, and lied about it and other things. Weight I had lost, and then some crept back. I was so unhappy with the me that looked back at me from the mirror, I avoided them at all costs.
Took a good look at myself the other day, and decided that I'm not seeing what I want to see reflected in the mirror. Asked myself, what I was going to do about it. Now I'm working on me, one day at a time. There are days I find that I need to get through a few minutes at a time, and I'm ok with that, as I finding peace in being in a space that is totally mine, (and McDawg's).
Prayerfully anticipating the changes in the physical me, while concentrating on the spiritual, emotional and mental well being of myself. Looking forward to returning to school, socializing a little more (I'm extremely introverted), purchasing my own house, loving those who love me, and not stressing over those who don't.
Whatever journey you're on, my prayer is that you realize that it is a continuous one. Remember, it's not over until God brings you home.
Stay blessed,
